Never give a drunk Ms. Turner her cell phone. Bad bad bad things happen. Like calling an ex boyfriend and giggling about the time a park ranger showed up while you were necking in the back seat of his mothers car. (We were in high school, cut me some slack)

And calling the boy in the hometown neighborhood who has made it very clear that while valuing the friendship, he'd really like to get in your pants to see what its like. He's creativly lewd without seeming to be and I think I talked him to orgasm on the phone, but I can't remember. And I wasn't even being sexual about it, but when I've been drinking, my voice goes husky and most find it to be a turn on. And I'm a talkative friendly drunk.

And last but certainly not least, calling the favored Aunt and spilling all tales of sexual adventures to the woman who cannot keep a secret to save her life.

And tonight, I prepare to toast the marriage of another family member. She's marrying military. He outranks my husband but I can't hold that against him.

Back to my nice cool hotel room to veg on the bed while waiting to see what everyone wants to do.

Note to others: Never try to travel through 6 states in seven days. It makes the body very tired indeed.